


Grieving with an Alternate Version of The Person you're Grieving

by esmeblaise



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Does he have a name yet?, Im just gonna call him not ben, Klaus Grieving with Not Ben about Ben., Major Season 2 Spoilers, Not Shippy, mentions of dave, mentions of past character death, mentions of past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:27:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmeblaise/pseuds/esmeblaise
Summary: Like all of his siblings, Klaus has gone through a lot of trauma, but this last one was... rough.Being able to see the dead means hes never had to grieve his brothers death, but now he has to deal with the emotional roller coaster of losing his brother for good only for him to be immediately replaced by a confused emo who wants to know why everyone is calling him BenA hopeful but unlikely scene for season three where Klaus actually gets to talk about his trauma and how much losing Ben effected him
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 5
Kudos: 156





	Grieving with an Alternate Version of The Person you're Grieving

**Author's Note:**

> So... Season two right?

It had been a few hours since the umbrella academy had “ _ arrived”  _ and subsequently realized they had humongously fucked up - _ again.  _

From Reginald’s unfortunate ongoing existence to having the newest troupe of abused superpowered children being called the Sparrow Academy (seriously?  _ sparrow? _ ) 

Klaus had tuned out pretty quickly at Five and Reginald's explanation but luckily it seemed quite apparent that the rest of his siblings weren’t following along either so dear old dad dismissed them on the condition that they do not leave the house or interrupt the sparrows training. 

Klause is pretty Diego had snuck out before the sentence ended. 

The rest weren't fairing too much better, Allison was going through grieving the loss of both her husband _ and  _ child  _ (yikes)  _ and Vanya was doing her best to comfort her and not break down herself. 

Luther, it seemed, was exploring and trying to figure out just how different the place was, but Reginald was always one of routine so the house itself didn't look that much different.

Well apart from the picture on the mantle.

Which is where Klaus was, curled up around a pillow, sitting on the ground, and looking up at the painting of his brother.

His not brother.

This wasn’t Ben, this isn't even Ben going through some weird emo phase.

Ben, his Ben, was gone.

Gone saving the world

Gone saving Vanya

Gone… just

“Whose Ben?”

Klaus jerked as the voice pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up to see-

_ Rolling his eyes with an exasperated smile on his lips  _

A deep glare and a frustrated sneer on a familiar  _ oh so familiar _ face 

“Wha-?”

Not Ben kicked him.

“H-Hey!” Klaus yowled, as Not Ben continued to kick him as he scrambled to his feet.

“Don't be such a fucking baby I'm barely touching you!”

“It still hurts!” Klaus whined, finally steadying himself.

“Trust me you’d know if I was hurting you.” 

_ The ghosts crawl on mangled bodies screaming at him to make it stop _

_ He looks down as mom bandages another scar,another wound, another failure _

_ The drugs distract from the pain but it still there its always there  _

_ Dave falls and theres red so much red _

_ Vanya sweet Vanya screams so much like the ghosts so much like he did in that mausoleum he shouldn't be able to hear her but he _ can

_ Alone again doing what he must to survive but at least he still has ben _

_ Dave enlisted he doesn't even know him but he knows him and dave has enlisted at least he still has ben _

_ Vanyas ending the world again and he cant do it dont leave this up to him at least he still has ben _

  
  


_ Bens gone _

  
  


“Now answer my question.”

Klaus jumped,  _ again,  _ god he needed a drink.

_ Don’t fall into your old habits Klaus, you're stronger than this. _

“Whose Ben?”

_ Definitely a drink _

“Why do you ask?” Klaus returned, pulling from years of practiced nonchalance as he sauntered through the bar.

Not Ben (God he needed something else to call him) followed, a determined glare focused on Klaus as he perused the alcohol.

“Because those other assholes keep calling me that! And you were just staring longingly at a picture of me while mumbling his name!”

“You probably misheard, they probably said ten -do you guys use numbers too? Or maybe they said-”

_ “STOP TOYING WITH ME!”  _

Klaus nearly dropped the liquor bottle as Not Ben's fist slammed onto the counter with a jolt.

Then suddenly Not Ben was stepping back, a look of frustrated determination on his face, fists clenching and growling to himself.

“ _ Stop it, stop it. I'm stronger than you, I can control you, you don't scare me, stop it!” _

Klaus stared for a second before looking down and-

Oh, of course.

It had been years since he had seen the tentacles active, squirming beneath the shirt, trying to get loose, but he would never forget the pain it caused little number 6. How he would curl around him in the darkest hours of the night, trying the stay quiet as they calmed each other's demons.

“What are-?”

“There there it’s ok, _shh shh_ , go back to sleep, you're safe, _you're ok_ , go on home now, its ok.”

Slowly the squirming skin settled under Klaus’s petting and soothing tone, receding back to whatever horrid dimension they resided. 

“How… Did you do that…?”

Klaus recoiled, hands raised immediately and quickly returning to the liquor “Shit- Sorry, old, old habit, didn’t even realize I was doing it.” 

“You- You made them go away.” 

“Like I said, I've had practice”  _ now where the fuck was that bottle _

“But… how?”

Klaus stopped, finally looking up at the person in front of him.

It wasn’t Ben, he would  _ never  _ be Ben, but that look, that voice, it was so  _ so close.  _

_ “Ben” _

Not Ben, Not 6, Not Dead, Not  _ his brother  _ looked back at the portrait warily before turning back to Klaus.

His next words would be one of those  _ moments  _ of action that determines how the timeline will end up. A moment Five would have to calculate, a moment the commission would either allow or stop, a moment of importance.

But to Klaus these words were a chance he had never been given, an opening he always needed, a heartwarming and heartbreaking catharsis.

“Tell me about him.”

  
  


They took it to Ben’s room. Well Not Ben’s now, but the familiarity was comforting. It was nice to know that even in this messed up timeline Ben's room would always be Ben's Room.

It was darker than before, but that had been expected. Ben was only 17 when he died, a quiet nerdy book loving secret mischief maker. Far different from this angsty 30 year old who never left home.

Klaus had claimed the bed with a gallon of alcohol to help him get through this conversation, much to Not Bens displeasure, who was sitting at his desk chair trying very hard not to just give up on this decision and simply ask one of the others.

Just when his patience was about to reach its end, Klaus spoke up.

“Ben… is my brother.”

Not Ben glanced up but didn't intervene.

“I don’t know how much Reginald told you, probably nothing if he's anything like our version, but the short of it is we’re from another timeline.”

Not Ben glared, “I told you not to toy with me.”

Klaus snorted, glancing at him briefly, “Seriously? With your life? This should be considered normal.”

“What would  _ you  _ know about my life?”

“Nothing, everything. This world is so different than the one we left and yet so familiar at the same time.”

“What does that even  _ mean _ ?”

“Ugh the short of it is Reggie died, though that was a manipulation tactic to get us to all come home and save the world- which we failed at  _ big time  _ so we had to travel back in time to fix it, but we fucked up again which is why everything's different.”

“Like what?” Not Ben challenged, curiosity peaked.

“The academy for one, in our timeline Reggie ‘raised’ us as a group of superpowered abused children called the Umbrella Academy.”

“ _ Sparrow” _

Klaus waved his wrist, the first tattoo he ever received etched into his skin, “Not where I'm from.”

“So the others that came with you, they’re-”

“My siblings, yeah we’re one big dysfunctional family.”

Not Ben glanced down at his own wrist, “What else?”

Klaus looked at the other boy, this man who got to grow up, who didn’t have to follow Klaus around for twelve years, who had a  _ life. _

_ “You.” _

Not Ben immediately looked up

Klaus immediately fumbled with the bottle and took a large drink “I don’t know why, everyone else is different, but you're still here, you're still- _ alive _ .”

“I was-”

_ “Ben.” _

Klaus choked on another gulp as his throat burned and tears welled in his eyes.

“Our sweet, kind, nerdy, scared, mischievous, prick of a number six. My little brother,  _ Ben _ .” 

Klaus laughed, it came out strangled and manic, “He was you, but not you, in our timeline he was  _ Ben  _ and he died when he was seventeen.”

Klaus took another shaky gasp as he swallowed more liquor.

Not Ben paled at this revelation and awkwardly patted Klaus on the Back, “Yikes, no wonder you were shocked, to see me after twelve years must have been freaky.”

Klaus’s manic cackling only grew, “Oh god thats- that’s not even the worst of it!”

Klaus turned and not Ben gasped at his deep lifeless broken eyes, “My powers- I can see the dead, I never lost him.”

Not Ben shuddered but continued anyways, “So there's two of us? Or did time travel not work on ghosts.”

Klaus snorted, a sad snotty laugh, “No Ben was there, he was with me. For thirty years Ben was with me whether in life or in death, no matter how much of an asshole I was, no matter how I ignored him, he was  _ there _ .”

Klaus shuddered, tears slipping down, “Until he wasn’t.”

“Two days ago, fifty six years ago, Ben sacrificed himself to save us, to save the world. And for the first time in thirty years,  _ I was alone.”  _ Klaus looked up at Not Ben again “I’d never had to grieve for him, because he was always there, but just like that he was gone.” Klaus closed his eyes and small laugh, “And you were in his place.”

Not Ben shuddered.

“My siblings, they call you Ben because you look like him, you sound like him, and they only have faint memories of what he was like. But for me.” Klaus turned toward not Ben and for a moment it felt like he was looking into his very soul, “You’re more like a long lost twin, similar in so many ways, but far too different to be the same. And that’s worse, because no matter how much time I spend with you, I will never get back my brother, my best friend. I will never get  _ Ben.” _

_ Just like how I couldn't get Dave. _

_ They're standing right in front of me, so similar, so alive, but they're not them. Dave and Ben are gone no matter how many copies and time shenanigans happen, you have lost the two people you love more than anyone else.  _

**_And you can't even die to see them again_ **

**_“_ ** You're right, I'm not him, I never was.”

“Not exactly helping but good effort.” Klaus hiccuped somehow managing to laugh and sob at the same time.

“But if we go by that twin theory… Well then I can still be your brother. Just, a different one.”

“Huh?” Klaus hiccuped and looked up.

“I'm not Ben, little number 6 who died at age 17 and stayed by your side through thick and thin. I’m Number One of the Sparrow Academy, and I don't know you, in fact, I don’t really like you either, but as long as you don’t confuse me for someone else, as long as I'm not a  _ replacement,  _ I can be your brother.”

Klaus sniffed, “Additional brother, an extra one. Not Ben, not Diego, Luther or Five. But another brother to add to our collection of misfits.”

Not Ben slowly wrapped his arms around him, “Not Ben.”

Klaus shakily returned the hug, “But still my brother.”


End file.
